On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
