My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
