I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
