i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
