i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
