Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you win again, gameday.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
