Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
