WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
