a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
