I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
His nipple licking is glorious
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