6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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