My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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