Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
