mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
