mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
