Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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