She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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