nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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