I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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