I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
