I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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