birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
