if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
