I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
