OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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