So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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