Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
