I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How's work?
Spinning.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
