i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
