i just snorted my name. best moment ever
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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