she woke up with a sticky ear
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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