I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
