Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
