Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
