i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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