the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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