When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
