i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
