Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I deserve this hangover.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
