Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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