I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
