Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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