why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
