so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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