When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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