Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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