his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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