Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
