He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Even my vagina gasped.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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