Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
